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Herobrine's Lullaby, Feedback requested.

  • One day I was digging around Minecraftia's local cave, looking for diamonds like a boss, when I suddenly came across some mossy cobblestone. Dungeon, was what instantly popped into my mind when I saw the cobblestone. 

    I mined the stone around the cobblestone, when I suddenly found the opening and heard voices. It wasn't in chat, it was actually talking. Upon peeking from the edge of the opening, I saw a young girl with black hair and scratches all over her face and arms, tied to the ceiling, and Herobrine standing next to her. The two were having an argument, the girl's voice incredibly shaky, as if she were about to burst into tears that very moment. 

    "Sing for me."

    "No, never! Not for you, not for anybody!"  

    "SING!" At this point, I almost fell backwards in shock, mostly because that shout scared me, and partly because Herobrine's the most evil guy in the world, and he wants an innocent girl to sing for him. 

    "O-OK..." At this, her voice softly cut through the air, singing a lullaby in a haunting tone, that went like this: 

    "Shh, Hush. Shh, Hush. It's time for you to lay your blocky head on your bed

    .Shh, Hush. Shh, Hush, the zombies are all dead.

    Shh, Hush. Shh, Hush, the Creeper won't blow up in your face,

    but Herobrine will challenge you to a race.

    Shh, Hush. Shh, Hush, you won't have to sleep while hearing the cry,

    of a dying Enderman,but watch out for Herobrine." 

    Herobrine's eyes narrowed at the poor girl, who burst into tears. Three words came out of his mouth. 

    "Not good enough."

    From his scabbard, he pulled out a diamond sword with enchants that only he and Notch knows. And, I swear on Notch's life, he plunged the blade into the girl's stomach, who screamed in pain, as blood actually splattered onto the walls. At this point, I was wondering if I was even playing Minecraft. He pulled out the sword, which was drenched in blood, and slit her throat, surely killing her. 

    Herobrine turned to me and wickedly grinned. "I hope you can sing, LeafyLove."

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    • I question the premise. I'll come right out and say that I couldn't not compare this to the most famous lullaby pasta, Hypno's Lullaby--in that case, the poem/lullaby had a distinct purpose. The story was itself told in the poem, and it was inherently tied to Hypno because of his in-game Pokedex entry which references his "spiriting away" of young children.

      By contrast, Herobrine has nothing to do with lullabies, or with kidnapping people. In fact it's quite the opposite. Like Slenderman, Herobrine is generally known for being a silent antagonist. His lack of speech is one of the aspects that are a part of his "creepy" character. So the very concept of a "Herobrine's lullaby" is going entirely against character, which can be done, but it's setting a very high standard and needs to be executed extremely well to be pulled off.

      The question is also begged, how did the girl know the lullaby? Did Herobrine sing it to her as an example or something? Questions like that make the situation more kooky than creepy, as it just makes me try to imagine such a ridiculous scene as the two of them practicing together.

      The whole "capture girls and kill them if they can't sing well" is a decent psychopath motive and does have potential (in fact it kind of reminds me of Phantom of the Opera), it just doesn't have anything to do with Minecraft. I would scrap that aspect of the pasta entirely and put it in a whole new setting, if I were you. That's my opinion, at least.

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    • Actually, the plot is that Herobrine needed an entertainer and had captured a girl who he saw sing well somewhere. She refused to sing, but when she sung a crappy lullaby, he killed her.

      Oh and I wrote this when I just had the idea and I was bored. And yes, I'll try to rewrite it and make it better.

      And while you're still here, I've posted my "Spooky Village Headphone Music" pasta on the wiki.

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    • 54.197.151.150
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