Hello, my name is Som — I mean Sam, sorry, it’s just that English isn’t my language. Now, before I tell you this terrifying, graphic tale, I want you to know that I have no explanation for what happened last night…

You see, I was working at Nickelodeon as an intern in the golden years of Spongebob, before the theatrical movie came out and the series just went down the drain. Mainly, I just delivered Stephen Hillenburg’s coffee, but I did get to view many of the Spongebob episodes, days before they would air. In fact, let’s start there.


It was a rather dark and stormy day…so me and two other interns were in the editing room along with the lead animators and sound editors for the final cut. We then received the copy that was supposed to be "Fear of a Krabby Patty" and gathered around the screen to watch. One of the animators pressed the ‘play’ button and we began viewing “Fear of the Krabby Patty.”

The normal intro started playing, and then when it cut to the title card, some of the interns gasped, including me.

Instead of reading Fear of the Krabby Patty, it read “Squidward’s Suicide” in bloody letters that oozed. Of course, we didn’t take this seriously because sometimes, our friends would change the title card to things such as, “Bubble Blood” or annoying stupid titles like that. Personally, I never found them that funny, but some of the interns would laugh. I eyed them suspiciously.

And then, like that, the episode began. Spongebob and Patrick are happily playing outside of Squidward’s house. Squidward bursts through the right-hand window and tells them to be quiet very angrily. Now teary-eyed, Spongebob and Patrick walk to Sandy’s and leave Squidward. Squidward is now finally able to play his clarinet, and does so for 5 minutes before the camera fades to a dark shade of red. Maybe even blood…but who knows.

Then, before we know it, we see Squidward standing on a stage, playing his clarinet.

People are booing him like crazy, but it wasn’t the normal booing. You could clearly hear ‘malice’ if I must, in it. When they stop, they leave the place, and go out. Squidward says, “Wait! Wait! Don’t go!” but it’s too late, and the whole theater is empty. Squidward stands there for a while and then he begins running out, but what’s odd is that there’s nothing at all happening in the background, instead it’s just blank red.

I was confused.

Next thing, Squidward is sitting on the edge of his bed, crying. After what seems like he’s been crying forever, he stops and looks at the camera. His eyes are bloody and glowing. He keeps crying for five more minutes, and then a loud, deep demonic voice says “DO IT” and the camera pans out to reveal Squidward has a shotgun and he blows his brains out.

Many of the interns left the room at this point, I don’t blame them, the episode was like no other that I’ve ever seen. If you ever find the episode, don’t watch it. It’s for your own good.

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